Hello!!! I feel like it has been forever since I’ve gotten on here and written a post about life. Because it has. When I go for long-ish periods without posting, or posting outfits without delving into personal details about myself, I feel weird! This space has always been very real and very me. I share a lot about myself. There are some things I am more private about, but for the most part I am an open book. I’ve been feeling anxious about not posting like normal, and in analyzing why, I thought sharing my findings and what’s going on in my life would be a good way to break the radio silence.
Blogging is an interesting thing. If you’ve been with me since the beginning, you know I started writing here because I was feeling inspired to create and share unique content with others. I have always felt deeply connected to my audience, and you guys have been and continue to be my #1 source of inspiration. I don’t blog to make money. I don’t blog to be cool. I don’t blog to show how great or not great my life is. And I definitely don’t blog because I “have to”. Nothing about this space is forced, and I would never want it to be. I blog because I love connecting with other people. I love feeling part of something. I love creating a space where we can all feel less alone in things we experience or go through because we have each other. And, on the frivolous side, I love being girly with other girls who care about fashion, beauty, and wellness as much as I do.
Lately, life has been very full. Full of wonderful things. Full of incredible people. Full of beautiful new relationships. Full of amazing and unique experiences. And I am aware that life is short. Life is precious. I have given my full attention to all of these special moments and people I am so lucky to have in my life because everything in life is fleeting. Nothing last forever, even the good things. I am the happiest I have ever been, and I definitely know what it’s like to be unhappy. I appreciate and cherish this present fullness of my life because I know what it’s like to feel empty.
So, to avoid a never- ending ramble, I will tie this all together here. The real reason I haven’t been as active here is that I’ve just been….living. That’s the simple truth. To circle back on my earlier point about never wanting this space to feel forced, I haven’t wanted to make myself to sit down and write when I’ve really wanted to be in the moment living. Like I said, blogging is an interesting thing. Inspiration ebbs and flows, but a blog never turns off. It is always there, calling for consistent content and endless inspiration. But, I am a human being and I am not a robot. I do not always feel inspired. I do not always have things to share. And I certainly do not always feel “interesting”.
Here is what I’ve been up to. There is nothing fashion or beauty related. There is nothing about health and wellness (except that I was forced to eat Subway or starve…more on that in a minute). There is nothing glamorous or super interesting to anyone other than me. And maybe that’s why I haven’t felt inspired to blog. I feel like I have nothing “good” for you right now. Boyfriend just had a big 6 day bike race across the country (Race Across America, or RAAM), and one day in, he was hit by a car because a lady blew through a turn. Like the determined athlete he is, he chose to finish despite having 4 hip and pelvic fractures. I respected that and flew out there to follow alongside his ride and make sure he was ok. I flew into Missouri and drove through miles and miles of desolate farm land, long stretches of highway, and quaint Midwest neighborhoods I never knew existed. The race goes 24 hours a day, and half the guys sleep on a moving bus while the other half rides through the night, and then they switch. I didn’t shower for 4 days. I slept for 2-3 hours in pretty shitty $50/night motels. I also didn’t have access to any food other than fast food chains. There were virtually no grocery stores in site, so after a full 24 hours of no food, I finally broke down and ate Subway turkey sandwiches with no bread. To me, it was a really fun adventure because I got to be with boyfriend and see what he loves. That’s the stuff that’s important in life. Investing in the people you love and doing things with them and for them. The race finished Friday (his team won first!) and we flew straight to Montreal that night for his brother’s wedding. It was a beautiful weekend with people I love, and a surprise performance by Seal (!!!!), so I decided to unplug for the most part and be in the moment. When we returned earlier this week, boyfriend had a series of doctor’s appointments and I had an all day 2-day shoot for Fortune Magazine. I am just now finally exhaling and when I think back to why I haven’t been blogging…I’ve just been living.
With all this living, my inspiration is crawling back into my life. I felt called tonight to sit down and write. To connect with you guys. I only want to be authentic, always, and write from my heart. If it’s not there, it’s not happening, because nothing sounds worse to me than having a fake space with a fake voice. I want to be real and I want to be me. Right now, I am itching to write and can’t wait to share so many things with you. But the last couple weeks haven’t felt like that because I was itching to live and be in the special moments that were happening in my life.
On that note, I hope you guys understand my recent absence and can relate to ebbs and flows in inspiration and focus. I can be really hard on myself, and when I don’t deliver fresh content, I feel anxious. But, it has felt good to step back and be fully engaged in life for a few weeks. And now I’m excited to get writing again because all of the things I’ve been experiencing have been the breathe of fresh air that I’ve needed.